500 words about My Most Authentic Moment
I feel a big uh-oh coming with this post. That’s not to say I’m fake all the time—erm I don’t think. *eyebrow raise*
There was a time, years ago, when I first joined Google+ I would tell people (of my choosing) to follow me there for the realist version of me. I know, creepy to think there are multiple Maddies in the world walking around, but there is truth to the idea. It is interesting to me that I feel more at ease “being me” with strangers than I do with people who “know” me or see me every day. Unfortunately (of course I will be tarred and feathered for saying this, if they read this) most of my friendships on, say Facebook, I view as surface relationships. This means the permission to cross the barrier into the world of “Real Me” hasn’t been granted. Now, though, my interaction on Google+ has dwindled since my initial infatuation with the site. I still hold true to the feeling I am most myself on Google+. Of course if people did some sleuthing they would find a good combination of me sprinkled across the various social media mediums. In other words, if you build it they will come—they being me. As a side-note I am not encouraging you to go searching, ok? OK.
Authenticity is not something I view as comfortable. It almost feels like someone has set off the alarms of the security system in place and I have to decide, do I stand and fight the “bad guys” or run for safety? I know, I know, a few days ago I was pushing myself to be vulnerable. Well just because I push myself to do something doesn’t mean it is easy or fun! *wink*
This may be a cop out, I don’t know. I trust you to be the judge of it and if you don’t like it well…yes I could say something, but I won’t. As another side-note, fairly certain I am having, not only an emotionally good/high day, but a sugar high as well, so I apologize if this post comes off a bit skittish—crazy.
I have others, but the authentic moment I arrived at actually concerns a “mere cornucopia” of moments. It involves one of my most favorite things in the world and I suppose, at the risk of sounding like the common theme behind bookish quotes, it is very typical of my species. Species being a bibliophile. You know, books are my best friends and all that jazz?
However, there is a great amount of truth to me being me when in the presence of books. When I am in a bookshop it is as though an invisible skin coats mine. I am a braver, bolder, even more brazen variety of me than at most other times. I am not easily cowed by cranky old-man shopkeepers. Surrounded and buoyed by books, I make no qualms about marching up to said shopkeeper and asking for help. Shyness be damned! Find the books I’m looking for or else feel the fury of my bookish wrath. (Mostly this involves a stare down, but don’t ruin my vibe!)
This bravado is especially handy when in the company of other book shoppers. We are notorious for being territorial, rude, and ignorant of other’s personal space. This is most likely our competitive sides making a play for the lead. Well I become a wall and by golly you are not getting your eyes or hands on the section I am looking at until I am finished. This isn’t to say I am going to lash out at you, but I have learned the hard way to be steadfast about the shopping experience. Do not be bullied into giving up your shopping experience, book shopping is rewarding and it is work, therefore remain firm. They can be patient just like you were patient!
At times being in a bookshop and talking about the written word is as if someone has possessed my body. Someone extremely jittery and chatty. I am not chatty. I love deep conversations, but chattiness is enough to send spiders crawling up my back. We can all agree that is not a pleasant image. However, books enter the arena and you might as well search for a mouth gag. At least if you initiate conversation I am this way, if you are silent and uninterested I’m not going to waste my “pearls on swine”. I know harsh, right? I am a bit of a bitch and snob when books are involved. This almost makes me worry I am authentically a bitch, but you know passionate can be misconstrued as bitchiness I think. You don’t have to agree with me.
This is way past the 500 words, but being longwinded comes with the authenticity. Do you want authentic moments or not?!?
Books create a haven with their words and the community that follows their journey. This haven is freedom to be me. Books have given me the gift of loving words, turning my love into wanting to give back by writing my own words. They encourage and nourish me to show up and be a truer me. I am trying to answer their call.